The Juniper Center Thrive live
Your Dance with Cancer, with Lindsay McDonell
Summary and Takeaways
Big takeaway: being there and listening is the best thing you can do for your loved one.
“What the patient wants is really for you to just be there and listen. You don’t have to do anything else. You don’t have to make suggestions. You don’t have to tell them to stay positive. You just need to be there with your heart.”
“For many patients, hearing ‘be positive, you’re going to be okay’ is the most invalidating thing we can hear. And not only that, we can become afraid of disappointing them. So for us patients, we can set that boundary and say ‘At this moment, I can’t hear this. I know that you love me. I know that you’re trying to support me, but I cannot hear it right this second. I need to get my feet under me.'”
Dr. Margo called it “the sandwich technique,” which I am definitely going to steal now! Start with your boundary, validate the other person by seeing it from their point of view, and then restate your boundary.
If you want to skim the video, the talk about conquering fear starts at 8:18 and the talk about caregiving starts at 19:56.
Conquering fear at 8:18
Caregiving at 19:56